Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Saw 2 and "Appreciating Life"

Tonight I had the opportunity and blessing to go see the movie "Saw 2" with two of my better friends. Nice "thriller" sorta movie that I wouldn't have seen had a third friend not gotten me hooked on Saw (the original). The fact that Monica Potter was in the movie (the original) also helped - I'm not gonna dispel that notion.

Regardless, back to Saw 2! Well if you have never seen either of the movies, I will not ruin it for you! I can't stand when people do that to me. However, I will say that in the movie there is a "guy" dying of cancer, who can do nothing about his cancer - it's inevitable that he is going to die, and most likely die soon. What he does is take people who have demonstrated that they do not appreciate life in some way - maybe they use and abuse drugs, they sell drugs, they steal or rob, they blackmail, lie, kidnap, etc etc.

What this person, named "John" does - is to put them in situations where they need to get out of their situation by using their intelligence. John apparently, supposedly WANTS the person to survive their "trial" - however it is NEVER easy. That's where the "Saw" chapters end and the lesson begins....

The lesson being that of appreciating and living life to the fullest. I unfortunately cannot say that I did that pre-depression. I can say that I liked living, that I enjoyed living - but did I LOVE living? Hmmm, that's a question that I must ponder for the rest of my life. Because right now I do LOVE living, however it came as a result of a "trial" that I was put through - that of depression.

For me, the trial was that of using your faith to come closer to Him. That was done through seeing the love and care that my parents and my closest friends had for me during this most challenging time in my life. Challenging isn't even the word. In fact, I can't even think - there probably isn't a word to describe the "challenge" that depression was - and to overcome it, I almost see it as a minor miracle for me.

For three months It went on beginning in March 2001. The minutes took forever. The hours seemed like weeks; the days seemed like months. There were days that I literally sat in bed - not wanting to get up because I did not have the 'energy' to, nor the self esteem to even set foot out of bed because I didn't think I'd accomplish anything in waking up.

I literally had no reason for being. I hated being alive. It literally sucked. I can't imagine hell being much worse. I can recall the days when I spoke with God, making my request simple. "Take me or make me better - I don't care which." Yeah; that's right - I couldn't continue to live that way; I would rather die than live the way that I felt.

Slowly but surely, I came closer to God - as I allowed Him and the faith I had in God to make me feel better. It's almost like that one religious "dream" of the guy who walks along with the Lord in the sand, and he sees both set of footsteps - until the worse parts in his life. Then he asks the Lord "why did (he) abandon him during his toughest times in life?" To which the Lord responds, "I did not and would never abandon you; you are my child and I love you too much. It was during the toughest times that I carried you."

And I can't agree more. During those "darkest days," I was definitely carried by the love of God. How? Through the love, care and support of my family - my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, Sonny (their dog who was like "my dog"), as well as several family and friends.

Had the wrong person said the wrong thing; from March 2001 - June 2001 (when I was formerly 'diagnosed' with depression) who knows what I would/could have done! I really don't know and really don't want to think about it.

Regardless, as a result of overcoming depression I have learned to LOVE to LIVE. I want to make up for those 100 days that I never really "lived" - and that's where came from. Check it out!!!

I come to think of some of the people who have openly come out to say they were suffering/had suffered from depression - I think of people who show they love life; and love to laugh. I think of people like Robin Williams, Jim Carrey and even football analyst and former Super Bowl champion, Terry Bradshaw.

If you ask any of my friends abou my laughter - I think some of it stems from that. From appreciating the "minor" things - from being able to laugh at the small things. And not just laughing; but LAUGHING. It's gotten so bad, that I swear I have laughter induced asthma! I do have asthma regardless; but if I start watching ALF or Friends or Seinfeld for a brief time, there is a good chance that I will have to break out my inhaler. There have been times where I have laughed so much that I've needed to stop what I was watching ("Alf"; "Rat Race;" "Robin Williams on Broadway," Just about anything with Will Ferrell) that I have had to stop watching it to stand up and walk around - because I would get light-headed.

Yes my friends, laughter IS the best medicine.

So I leave you with this thought for tonight; LOVE to LIVE; LOVE to LAUGH; LOVE to LOVE.

Thank you for reading! Have a beautiful day! Don't let it get away! ;) God bless!


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